January 2012
27 posts
steaming
me: how long should i wait
me: SO ANGRY
Person A: uhmm
Person A: id wait until youre steaming less than now
Person A: more like a simmer
Person A: less a rolling boil
“There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well....”
– Jane Austen (via caffeinatedcats)
December 2011
11 posts
Unlimited Texting
MOM: WHO GAVE GRANDMA A PHONE AND WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY GIVE HER UNLIMITED TEXTING?! oh god, how many have you gotten? i’m up to 18 in 8 minutes…
ME: i’m up to 25, dont complain…
Teetherarium
Me: unrelated: my orthodontist gave me ceramic molds of my teeth.
Me: i don't know what to do with them.
Me: they're post braces.
D: HA
Me: maybe put them in a large mason jar?
Me: and add some other things in the jar
D: yes.
Me: "WTF YOU HAVE TEETH IN THIS JAR"
D: TEETH TERRARIUM
D: teetherarium.
Me: this is why we are friends.
Me: you understand my need for a teetherarium.
D: amen.
November 2011
6 posts
GODDAMN GINGERS
Person 1: me: what's red and white and blue all over?
Person 1: my mom: i give!
Person 1: me: a depressed candy cane.
ME: sad face
Person 1: my mom: i don't know whether to cry or laugh.
Person 1: me: it's funny, try laughing.
Person 1: lol, it made you sad, too
Person 1: forgive me for what i am about to say
ME: forgiven
Person 1: but
Person 1: GODDAMN GINGERS!
Person 1: :D
ME: oh you fucker
Person 1: ha ha ha
Person 1: seeking forgiveness in advance
Person 1: v. tricky
Person 1: feel free to complain to [REDACTED] about it
Person 1: you can tattle on me
tab key secrets
B: until then, please tab between each of the fields.
B: and/or instruct others to do likewise.
me: i will tab like there is no tomorrow.
B: yeah, worth giving it a shot.
me: which at this rate, there may not be.
B: wear down that tab key.
B: each time you press the key, a little bit of it wears off, and is absorbed into your skin.
B: essentially, you are eating your tab key, in very slow motion.
me: until i am that toxic tab key, since you are what you eat.
me: Jessica "tab key" Smith
B: now we know where the spider got its poison.
me: it would be an awful expose on Maury Povich
me: "today on Maury, Jessica admits to eating 10 tab keys a day."
me: "let's take a look at what's really eating her"
B: wow
rearranging the office.
D: how have you not just upended your desk?
me: it is a large desk.
me: i have two returns.
D: ah, you'd need assistance.
me: i don't know if i should laugh maniacally or cry.
D: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
me: what is that?
D: it's a person flipping a table.
me: OH MY GOD
me: OH MY GOD
D: here is a person putting the table back.
D: ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
me: IT'S ME FLIPPING THE TABLE
me: IT'S ME!
D: YES
August 2011
11 posts
“And never trust a heart that is so bent it can’t break.”
– Bright Eyes
forever post
(via cicconeyouthh)
NEVER A-GODDAMMED-GAIN
